Why do I have to see myself as a little spoiled Brat? As a little bitch? I dont want to see myself as that, but after today, I can see that is how I am, a show off for playing violin and trying to have things my way. I dont want to hate my family as I hate some ppl at school, because family is the base. Its special, but if I dont stop they will all go against me. If I do stop, I am afraid I wont be able to let my personality flourish, and I wont be able to grow on the indide. I'll be like a little child in a big grown up body. I dont want to be like that. Gosh! I hate this phase of life that I am going through.
I want to be with my bf or just talk to him, but I cant, he doesnt answer my calls, or send me messages. Why? I know that he might be buisy and I have to be patient, but I dont have any patience left. Well after what R. did to me in mass.
I just feel like crying, so much. so hard, because the way I feel when I am with ppl in school is the way I feel now. Why dont ppl understand me? I just dont get it. Do I have to understand everybody else???
Ok, maybe I am being selfish. Always thinking about me!!! I should stop doing that! But I think about the others, and put them first. Why cant it be my turn? Ok I cant do everything but I loove singing, and they put G. singing the psalm. Ok I am not jealouse or anything. I dont mind. But I dont see why I cant play violin tomorrow. I dont want to play it at lunch for everybody, because then it will be like as if i am being a fucking little bitchy showoff. I dont want to be that. God I hate this.
Why do I keep thinking about me? Ok, if I won't play violin tomorrow, I SWEAR!!! I will not go andf sing with the choir. I dont care what they say or what they think. To tell you the truth, Anselo told me to sing the psalm.
(written on 25/12/09)
quinta-feira, 14 de janeiro de 2010
21/12/09
lol, não ligues
decidi escrever alguns dos meus pensamentos no meu blog
ja estive a pensar em fazer isto a mais tempo, pk assim tenho uma utilidade pra ele..
so que estao em ingles
procura um dicionario.
The first ppl that should know that i am diabetic are my parents and my brother. Fucking Hell!!! My Brother doesn't think! I'm not a doll, I have feelings. Hes not joking, and if he is he shouldnt be because it hurts. I need to eat from time to time, so dont say that i should of have eaten, or 'bad luck' or 'oh well' because i can have hypos at anytime for not eating, and you should know that. I dont admit that ppl who live close to me and that have been with me all my life dont remember, or talk like that to me. I hate tyou when you do that. I cant hold on to my feelings and hold back my tears. I had to burst. Im not a very deep well. I can be deep, but i fill up too.
I fill up until I flood.
Now I am on my own in the kitchen. Ill go to bed soon, but I am really worried about my school work. I only have two weeks to do everything and study. Well, not really two weeks b cos a whole weekend and a whole day have gone, and probably tomorrow I won't do anything. On day 24, maybe 25, 26 and maybe 27. I definately wont do anything because it's christmas, and my grandparents celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. My whole family will be here. i cant wait.
I'm also worried about the violin, I have to practise and know the music by heart for christmas. It's easier to know the music by heart because then I dont have to have papers around, or I dont have to look for the page.
(...)
Anyway, I dont want to think about any of that anymore. I just want to write. Lol, I like writing, because it makes me feel better. I already feel better, from a moment ago, but it was not because of writing, I had dinner, waited a long time and now I am writing again.
Anyway, I am going to bed now.
Good night.
(Written on 21/12/09)
decidi escrever alguns dos meus pensamentos no meu blog
ja estive a pensar em fazer isto a mais tempo, pk assim tenho uma utilidade pra ele..
so que estao em ingles
procura um dicionario.
The first ppl that should know that i am diabetic are my parents and my brother. Fucking Hell!!! My Brother doesn't think! I'm not a doll, I have feelings. Hes not joking, and if he is he shouldnt be because it hurts. I need to eat from time to time, so dont say that i should of have eaten, or 'bad luck' or 'oh well' because i can have hypos at anytime for not eating, and you should know that. I dont admit that ppl who live close to me and that have been with me all my life dont remember, or talk like that to me. I hate tyou when you do that. I cant hold on to my feelings and hold back my tears. I had to burst. Im not a very deep well. I can be deep, but i fill up too.
I fill up until I flood.
Now I am on my own in the kitchen. Ill go to bed soon, but I am really worried about my school work. I only have two weeks to do everything and study. Well, not really two weeks b cos a whole weekend and a whole day have gone, and probably tomorrow I won't do anything. On day 24, maybe 25, 26 and maybe 27. I definately wont do anything because it's christmas, and my grandparents celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. My whole family will be here. i cant wait.
I'm also worried about the violin, I have to practise and know the music by heart for christmas. It's easier to know the music by heart because then I dont have to have papers around, or I dont have to look for the page.
(...)
Anyway, I dont want to think about any of that anymore. I just want to write. Lol, I like writing, because it makes me feel better. I already feel better, from a moment ago, but it was not because of writing, I had dinner, waited a long time and now I am writing again.
Anyway, I am going to bed now.
Good night.
(Written on 21/12/09)
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