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Oh, Pa!
A unica coisa que eu tenho a perguntar é porquê?
A serio, porque é que as pessoas me ignoram?!?!?!
Ontem disse ola a muita gente, e elas também me responderam, mas passado um bocadinho fiquei aí especada sozinha sem saber o que dizer ou fazer, enquanto as outras continuavam com as suas conversinhas.
Possa, mas o que sou eu? Cheiro mal? Sou assim tão feia?
Não consigo mais fazer isto. a serio que choro!!!!
Hoje para os grupos perguntei a uma colega, e ela repondeu que preferia estar com outra rapariga, ou sozinha.
Ok talvez eu tenha sido um bocadinho estupida para com os meus colgas, digo eu. So queria pedir desculpa, embora realmente não percebo o que eu fiz de mal.
Sinto-me tão mal.
Desculpa turma, desculpa pessoal, por tudo. a serio Não sei o que fiz, não percebo mesmo o que fiz, mas queria pedir desculpa. Por favor não me fassam sentir assim. Eu tenho que dizer isto. Eu não acho que sou assim tão bonita, mas eu não estou em baixo por causa disso. estu em baixo por causa da maneira como me sinto. Ignorada. Não sei se é da minha timidez, ou de a minha maneira de ser, mas é. Sinto que não tenho assim amigos muitos proximos em quem eu possa confiar mesmo. Por isso conto tudo e faço parvoices e coisas estupidas. desculpa.
Pois estas a ver? estou aqui a escrever e a desabafar no pc no meu blog, a duizer a vaerdfade e como me sinto. Estou a chorar ao mesmo tempo. Tenho colegas de turma a minha volta e ninguem, da por nada.
O que é que eu posso fazer?

25/12/09

Why do I have to see myself as a little spoiled Brat? As a little bitch? I dont want to see myself as that, but after today, I can see that is how I am, a show off for playing violin and trying to have things my way. I dont want to hate my family as I hate some ppl at school, because family is the base. Its special, but if I dont stop they will all go against me. If I do stop, I am afraid I wont be able to let my personality flourish, and I wont be able to grow on the indide. I'll be like a little child in a big grown up body. I dont want to be like that. Gosh! I hate this phase of life that I am going through.
I want to be with my bf or just talk to him, but I cant, he doesnt answer my calls, or send me messages. Why? I know that he might be buisy and I have to be patient, but I dont have any patience left. Well after what R. did to me in mass.
I just feel like crying, so much. so hard, because the way I feel when I am with ppl in school is the way I feel now. Why dont ppl understand me? I just dont get it. Do I have to understand everybody else???
Ok, maybe I am being selfish. Always thinking about me!!! I should stop doing that! But I think about the others, and put them first. Why cant it be my turn? Ok I cant do everything but I loove singing, and they put G. singing the psalm. Ok I am not jealouse or anything. I dont mind. But I dont see why I cant play violin tomorrow. I dont want to play it at lunch for everybody, because then it will be like as if i am being a fucking little bitchy showoff. I dont want to be that. God I hate this.
Why do I keep thinking about me? Ok, if I won't play violin tomorrow, I SWEAR!!! I will not go andf sing with the choir. I dont care what they say or what they think. To tell you the truth, Anselo told me to sing the psalm.


(written on 25/12/09)

21/12/09

lol, não ligues
decidi escrever alguns dos meus pensamentos no meu blog
ja estive a pensar em fazer isto a mais tempo, pk assim tenho uma utilidade pra ele..
so que estao em ingles
procura um dicionario.


The first ppl that should know that i am diabetic are my parents and my brother. Fucking Hell!!! My Brother doesn't think! I'm not a doll, I have feelings. Hes not joking, and if he is he shouldnt be because it hurts. I need to eat from time to time, so dont say that i should of have eaten, or 'bad luck' or 'oh well' because i can have hypos at anytime for not eating, and you should know that. I dont admit that ppl who live close to me and that have been with me all my life dont remember, or talk like that to me. I hate tyou when you do that. I cant hold on to my feelings and hold back my tears. I had to burst. Im not a very deep well. I can be deep, but i fill up too.
I fill up until I flood.
Now I am on my own in the kitchen. Ill go to bed soon, but I am really worried about my school work. I only have two weeks to do everything and study. Well, not really two weeks b cos a whole weekend and a whole day have gone, and probably tomorrow I won't do anything. On day 24, maybe 25, 26 and maybe 27. I definately wont do anything because it's christmas, and my grandparents celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. My whole family will be here. i cant wait.
I'm also worried about the violin, I have to practise and know the music by heart for christmas. It's easier to know the music by heart because then I dont have to have papers around, or I dont have to look for the page.
(...)
Anyway, I dont want to think about any of that anymore. I just want to write. Lol, I like writing, because it makes me feel better. I already feel better, from a moment ago, but it was not because of writing, I had dinner, waited a long time and now I am writing again.
Anyway, I am going to bed now.
Good night.

(Written on 21/12/09)